loving speech: “… in order to love in a real way, we need to learn how to be fully present in our lives …” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
What is real or true love? … and what does that have to do with being present? … Well, both are intimately or deeply interconnected : real love can not be experienced if one is not fully present … and if one is fully present then one’s ongoing experience is naturally infused with real love 🙂 …
At Stillness Speaks, we always strive to offer perennial wisdom content that is relatable and easily applicable to everyday life …
And it turns out that this is an eminently apropos topic to explore given the deeply unfortunate and alarmingly increasing hate and divisiveness here in the US … but sadly elsewhere too …
Plus, both questions – real love and being present – are important to the seeker … and even if not important, both are inevitably encountered during the journey of self discovery …
Instead of any anchoring quotes from other traditions or teachers … or additional context, …
… Today I thought it’s best to turn to Thich Nhat Hanh who, in his book True Love, explains “… what real love is and how we can experience it in our daily lives, for readers of any faith ….” … and … “… offers us a Buddhist view of love along with techniques for manifesting it in our daily lives. In his characteristically direct, simple, and sweet style, he explores the four key aspects of love as described in the Buddhist tradition: loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and freedom …”…
Here’s a pertinent extract from the back page summary of one of the past editions of the book:
“… LOVE MIGHT NOT BE WHAT WE THINK IT IS.
We all seek the happiness that comes from loving and being loved, yet we often find ourselves dissatisfied in our relationships and unable to grasp the cause. Thich Nhat Hanh here shows the way to overcome our recurrent obstacles to love—by learning to be mindful, open, and present with ourselves and others. As he explains, “Training is needed in order to love properly; and to be able to give happiness and joy, you must practice deep looking directed toward the person you love. Because if you do not understand this person, you cannot love properly. Understanding is the essence of love.” …”
This post is part of our ongoing Shambhala Publications series that offers substantive previews of selections from Shambhala Publications new and classic titles …
All italicized text here is adapted from True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh, © 1997 Éditions Terre du Ciel and © 2001 by Unified Buddhist Church, Inc. Originally published in French under the title Vivre en Pleine Conscience. Published by arrangement with the Unified Buddhist Church, Inc., 2496 Melru Lane, Escondido, CA 92026. Translation © 2004 by Shambhala Publications, Inc. This edition published in 2023. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.
You can purchase the book at Shambhala Publications or Amazon.
Loving Speech: Learning to Speak with Love Again
Associated with the practice of deep listening is the practice of loving speech. We must learn to speak with love again. This is a thing that can be done in a practice community where brothers and sisters practice loving speech every day.
There are pacifists who can write protest letters of great condemnation but who are incapable of writing a love letter. You have to write in such a way that the other person is receptive toward reading; you have to speak in such a way that the other person is receptive toward listening. If you do not, it is not worth the trouble to write or to speak. To write in such a way is to practice meditation.
I remember a young American who came to us to practice. One day he was asked to write a letter to his mother, which was easy for him. On the other hand, it was impossible for him to write a letter to his father. His father had died, but he still suffered every time he thought of him. Just the idea of picking up a pen to write to his father already caused him a great deal of suffering.
I proposed the following practice to him. For one week he practiced mindful breathing, saying to himself, “Breathing in—I see myself as a child of five.” When one is a little boy of five, one is very fragile and vulnerable. As he was breathing in, he saw himself as the object of his own compassion. During the second week, he meditated on his father: “Breathing in—I see my dad as a little child of five; breathing out—I smile at the little boy who was my dad.”
For a whole week, the young American practiced very faithfully and very enthusiastically. He put a photo of his father on the table and every time he walked into the room and looked at it, he practiced mindful breathing. He had never imagined that his father could have been a child of five. Suddenly the young man acknowledged the presence of his father as a little boy. It was the first time that he realized that his father had suffered as a little boy, and suddenly he felt compassion. Finally one evening he found it possible to write a first letter to his father. That transformed him completely, and now he has peace in his heart.
Meditation is the practice of looking deeply into the nature of your suffering and your joy. Through the energy of mindfulness, through concentration, looking deeply into the nature of our suffering makes it possible for us to see the deep causes of that suffering. If you can keep mindfulness and concentration alive, then looking deeply will reveal to you the true nature of your pain. And freedom will arise as a result of your sustaining a deep vision into the nature of your pain. Solidity, freedom, calm, and joy are the fruits of meditation.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Stay tuned for more substantive previews of other books (both new and classic) in this ongoing Shambhala Publications series …
All italicized text here is adapted from True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh, © 1997 Éditions Terre du Ciel and © 2001 by Unified Buddhist Church, Inc. Originally published in French under the title Vivre en Pleine Conscience. Published by arrangement with the Unified Buddhist Church, Inc., 2496 Melru Lane, Escondido, CA 92026. Translation © 2004 by Shambhala Publications, Inc. This edition published in 2023. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO.
You can purchase the book at Shambhala Publications or Amazon.
And, may you practice … loving speech … in your everyday life … and …
May you remain safe and healthy.
Images (edited & Logo added): Header: Annapurna mountains by saiko3p, 1 & Featured) Hummingbirds Golden-bellied Starfrontlet with long golden tails flying with open wings, Chicaque, Colombia by OndrejProsicky, 2) True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart cover image from Shambhala, 4) TBD by TBD. 3 & 5) Shambhala Publications logo. All images (except ones from Shambhala Publications) purchased from depositphotos or 123rf. All are for use only on our website/social channels (these images are not permitted to be shared separate from this post). 2, 3, & 4) generously provided by Shambhala Publications with permission to be used on our website and other digital assets.
